Comme Ci, Comme Ca

Dear Reader, this post has no social relevance whatsoever.
It’s just a ramble so you might not enjoy it. And to those freaks who object to the use of the term ‘fat’ in the entry, I wish to clarify that it is in no way derogatory. Fat is a perfectly normal adjective like tall, thin, old, young…- and I find it very endearing. So there.

Like most babies I was born chubby with a big round head, round arms and round legs. Later my childhood years saw me growing into a scrawny adolescent. I developed a small, lean frame and a rather mismatched loud voice. Weight jokes were an intrinsic part of my friends’ interactions with me at that time. They were usually well intentioned jokes, but I did feel hurt. So between ages 12-15 I began overeating. I loaded on the butter, chocolate and milk- whatever seemed rich, irrational and fattening. That plan had little effect, other than making me sick and thinner still.

Time changes things though. It turns out that my Jughead-like constitution is a farce. I can put on weight and unfortunately it’s starting to show. Let me reiterate at this point, a few things:

- I am a girl.

- I am a teenager.

- I am stupid.

It was war yesterday, with me trying to pull on a pair of jeans. A war that I lost and it woke me up. Those jeans fit perfectly only about a month ago. I think the bulge can be beautiful. Fat people are gorgeous and I love and respect them. But I cannot let myself gain those inches, simply because I don’t feel healthy or athletic. It’s not natural for me. I have gone from wanting to be plump to wanting to be fit now. I don’t want to be called skinny, Barbie (!), anorexic or bulimic but hey, I wouldn’t mind petite or nimble. That would suit me just fine.

Perhaps someday, I will read this and laugh at myself. There are so many more important things that need my attention. For now however, allow me to be vain.

Today I make a resolution. Crunches, sit-ups, push-ups, anything it takes to stay in shape.

EDIT: I felt an update was in the waiting here. I have moved over the i-want-to-be-a-size-0 (ugh) phase now. Back to a happy 28 inch waist. Yoga, lots of water and hours of random dancing helped. I am not skinny, nor overweight. I am healthy. Woohaa.