Comme Ci, Comme Ca

So, it was one such afternoon about a fortnight ago when I was at my cousins’ that we decided to watch Sun TV. Do not ask why. I still don’t know. Perhaps, it was because we wanted to know what it is about tamil movies that makes people find them immensely funny and downright stupid.

My cousins and I had earlier exchanged accounts of how we’d been labelled as ‘madrasis’ when we said we’re from tamil nadu. And how people had thought it was quite amusing. ‘I’m a tamilian’, I had said when fellow kids asked me at school which communtiy I belonged to…They’d immediately exchanged glances and between annoying giggles and snickers they asked ‘So, what does andu gundu thanda pani mean?’ HaHa HaHa.

Yeah that was life’s way of laughing at me. It really wasn’t fair. Andu gundu thanda pani is NOT tamil. OK, gundu is, but ‘thanda pani’??? Isn’t that hindi for cold water? Weird. My cousins recalled similar instances of pain and hurt where they too had been humiliated. On more occassions than one, my friends have asked me to translate tamil movies for them. It was ‘entertaining’ they said. Well, not for me. No. It was traumatic. So what if tamil movies are not particularly COOL? Who cares? Do you have to poke fun at them? Well, I realised on that ‘Sun TV afternoon’ however, that I was wrong…Tamil movies were made with the sole intention of being poked fun at.

I don’t remember the name of the movie that we were watching. I don’t think I bothered to find out and I think I’m happier that way. The star was a certain Satyaraj, a 50 yr old then playing a 20 yr old. Satyaraj is now 65 and is successfully playing 25 yr olds. His dame in the movie was Meena, as round as they like them down south. And the plot : There really was no plot. The movie makes you feel that the director just got together the cast and the crew and said ‘ Let’s make a movie!!’ Then everyone from the producer to the actor, actress, actress’ mom, lay men hanging around, spot boy, lightsmen chipped in with their ideas and thus was born a movie!

Here’s what they came up with. Poor guy, played by Satyaraj and his faithful sidekick, thrown in for comic relief — Rich girl, played by Meena, with a bad Mom — Poor guy falls in love with rich girl (who is often referred to by the sidekick as ‘figure’…derogatory you would think. but down south it works) —So poor guy acts rich in order to make rich girl fall in love— Rich girl falls for rich poor guy. rich mom impressed by rich poor guy— Rich poor guy and rich girl wed. Don’t stop reading yet. I promise you it only gets better.

The twist in the story is when the rich girl finds out poor guy is poor— She magically falls out of love and leaves the house— But not before delivering one tight slap on the hero’s face. Something that I had wanted to do ever since the movie began. But poor guy won’t give up. He files a case against rich girl and wins! So now, rich girl is forced to live with poor guy. Still he cannot win back her love. Until one night he comes home drunk and hits himself against the door. That is when…the rich girl magically falls BACK into love and tears her saree to nurse her poor /rich/drunk/ hero of a husband’s wound. Sad. Well, my cousins and I didn’t hang around to watch the rest of the movie. This was more than we could take. i really think these filmmakers should realise people PAY to watch this. They deserve better!! The movie WAS funny in parts though. At least the costumes were. I’d like to tell the dress designer, ‘Using all colours of  rainbow in one costume is not effective costume designing. It is just visual oppression. Also if hero has dense chest hair, back hair, arm hair DO NOT have flimsy sleeveless clothes in dream sequence. That way, it is not dreamy anymore.’

Anyways that was your typical tamil movie. Chessy, corny, crass, crap. A rip-off of 20 odd movies put together in one flick. So much for originality! If you have watched a good south indian movie, chances are it was malayalam or inspired from a malyalam film… I’m now for all bashing and dissing of tamil movies. They ask for it. There is no denying that there are a few genuinely good movies but they’re harder to find than these ones that define south indian cinema.

Yenna daaaaaaaaaa…????!!!

Halt World! It’s about time I introduced you to Lenny. Lenny, meet World. World, meet Lenny.

All right, I’ll cut the crap. Lenny is my guitar. I’ve only had him for a li’l more than 10 months but I love him more than anything else that I own. He’s a Hobner 285 that’s got the looks that kill. Amazing sounding strings…smooth, polished maroon body…an uber-cool fretboard. Neat and sweet. A dream guitar. Ideal. Godawesome.

Being a beginner guitarist, I positively stink. To an extent that my family runs for cover everytime I play. Literally. It’s like watching crouching mother, hidden father and unconscious sister. And believe me this can be quite discouraging. If it wasn’t for my Lenny who smiles through the horror and let’s me know I’ll get better with time. He tries to sound as good as he can under my atrociously wrong fingers. He could’ve done so much better if he’d been bought by a professional player who can play like a dream. As opposed to the nightmare that bought him instead. But I’m glad it’s not that way. And that I bought him. And that he’s mine.

Maybe someday, I’ll deserve Lenny. No matter how bad I make you sound, I want you to know..Lenny, you’re my rockstar! Mwuah.

And yeah, I’m getting there baby. Slowly but surely. The first tune that I can play decently enough shall be dedicated to you boy! You go!